Find me a find

So the topic for today’s blog is matchmaking (what, you don’t know the lyrics from Fiddler on the Roof?). This came up when a friend of mine looked into a matchmaking service that cost $800 for five dates. She balked at the cost— a single woman’s gotta be smart about putting money into savings. I said she should pay it although I think there should be some sort of guarantee with the money. I mean Match.com will give you another three months free if after six you don’t find anyone.

Apologies to the accounting geeks, but I’m not going to try to come up with a present value calculation of a spouse. Needless to say, it’s considerable, especially for men who for some reason get paid more once they’re married. So $800 is cheap when you think about it. However, considering some of the bad dates I’ve been on, $800 to do something you’re not assured you’re going to like is way too much money. Maybe that’s where the matchmaking does come in though. I’ve had plenty of good dates that I didn’t want to take further, but was happy I went on. If matchmaking can at least make sure you’ll get along, that’s something.

It all comes down to whether or not matchmaking is a valuable service. I like to believe it is, Millionaire Matchmaker aside. Sorry, but she pisses me off with her regressive views about dating. Not that I’ve actually seen the show, just heard her on Tyra. But I believe in the work of specialists, of hiring someone to do something you can’t or don’t feel like doing yourself.

But then I question whether it is a skill. Does a matchmaker really match? Or is it just someone who knows enough people of both sexes and puts them together based on all the things we’d do anyway—similar backgrounds, educations, values, etc. In which case, you’re just paying for a vetting service. Not worth $800 unless you’re the type of person who constantly finds themselves going out with losers and sleezeballs.

At this point, you may be wondering why I think she should do it. Well there’s a stereotype about us focused, ambitious career gals that we’re willing to pursue a ring with the same determination we put to our careers. I reject that stereotype because frankly, if I wanted to get married that badly, I’m sure I could. However, I don’t see anything wrong with pursuing love with that level of determination. Advancing my career took great personal sacrifice, years of unmitigatable stress, and a hefty chunk of change. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to do the same to find someone you can have a long-term relationship with.