Why do we like who we like? It’s safe to say I’m not a romantic so I’m not going to buy into all that he’s the one crap. Our desire for another person comes from attraction, emotional compatibility, and sexual compatibility. But I can't seem to get all three in one person. I'm finding that the guys who are good for me-- emotionally compatible-- are not the ones I'm sexually compatible with. And one thing that seems completely counterintuitive is that guys I’m attracted to don’t end up generating much heat in bed and vice versa. So is this some sort of deep-seated neurosis that I need to work through, or is it simply a matter of biology?
There probably are some objective standards for who’s good in bed and who isn’t, but I assume that someone that I would label as bad would be good to someone else. If that's true, then something is at work in us determining our preferences for these things. But what?In my quest to answer this question, I came across the Interpersonal Attraction entry in wikipedia. The entry had this to say about whether or not opposites attract:
“Mathes and Moore (1985) found that people were more attracted to peers approximating to their ideal self than to those who did not. Specifically, low self-esteem individuals appeared more likely to desire a complementary relationship than high self-esteem people."
Well that sums up every failed relationship I’ve ever had. Complementary shlomplementary. I call it being a loser magnet.
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1 comment:
Yeah, we talked about this. It's fascinating. Since I so rarely ever find myself that attracted to real-life guys, especially ones that I would have an opportunity to get into bed with, my recent approach has been to give it a go if a guy makes his interest known, indicates interest in me as a person,is good to talk to, not really unattractive to me and approaches me the right way, then I'll give it a go. So far, the best casual sex I've had has been this sort. Nice and interesting guys who are basically attractive people who I'm not particularly attracted to. Then again, I'm not looking for a long-term, just some fun sex.
The other side of this, though, is that I have a couple male friends I'm really attracted to but don't at all want to have sex with. That's what I can't figure out. Why are they soooo fun to flirt with but the thought of actually getting them into my bed is...not a comfortable one?
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