I bet you were wondering when I’d tackle the pay issue. Part of the reason for this blog is that the etiquette for online dating is so nebulous. I don’t know what I’m doing. This is my way of trying to put it all together. Navigating the post-feminism post-technological revolution world of dating is tricky. So here’s my golden rule on the economics of dating:
The person who invites, pays.
Seems simple. On a date, someone has to pay. This is important, people. None of this going dutch treat stuff. If I go dutch it’s because I want to make it clear that This Is Not A Date. Don’t mess this up for me.
When you meet someone from online, it's like a pre-date date. You haven't established if you really want to go out with the person yet, so I want to make it clear that I haven't made up my mind. Having said that, I did forgo paying recently on a first meeting (see A bump in the road). I made him pay because a) he's a lawyer, b) he gave me a lot of grief about it being a date and being romantically interested, etc. and c) I inadvertently went to the bathroom when the check came.
It recently came to my attention that I scored points with a guy by paying for my own beer and that this is not standard practice. Apparently, guys are used to picking up the check. Well, the ones I talked to anyway. I seem to be operating from a playbook that only I possess. It remains to be seen if that makes me the winning or the losing team.
The person who invites, pays.
Seems simple. On a date, someone has to pay. This is important, people. None of this going dutch treat stuff. If I go dutch it’s because I want to make it clear that This Is Not A Date. Don’t mess this up for me.
When you meet someone from online, it's like a pre-date date. You haven't established if you really want to go out with the person yet, so I want to make it clear that I haven't made up my mind. Having said that, I did forgo paying recently on a first meeting (see A bump in the road). I made him pay because a) he's a lawyer, b) he gave me a lot of grief about it being a date and being romantically interested, etc. and c) I inadvertently went to the bathroom when the check came.
It recently came to my attention that I scored points with a guy by paying for my own beer and that this is not standard practice. Apparently, guys are used to picking up the check. Well, the ones I talked to anyway. I seem to be operating from a playbook that only I possess. It remains to be seen if that makes me the winning or the losing team.
Posts
2 comments:
I've always liked this rule because it makes perfect sense. Here's the problem though. In my vast and varied online dating experience, I discovered that everyone seems to be working from their own, slightly different, set of rules. Even finding out what those rules are is a process of trial and error, since I can't imagine anyone who would find discussing them to be good early date conversational material. In the interest of cutting through red tape and avoiding complex etiquette game theory, most right-thinking guys just assume they will be paying and enjoy the pleasant surprise when aren't expected to do so. There are still plenty of otherwise rational women who are mortally offended at being expected to pay for anything in early dating, even when the income disparity leans decidedly in their favor.
Hmmm, I find it hard to believe these women really are "otherwise rational".
Post a Comment