How not to have a DTR

I’m absolutely amazed that I’ve made it this far into the blog without writing about the Determine the Relationship (DTR). I suppose the reason that I haven’t written about it is because I avoid having DTRs at all costs. Talking about a relationship inevitably involves talking about my feelings and talking about feelings falls into the category of yucky love stuff. Yucky love stuff is not my thing.

So I can’t complain that I’m pretty confused as to what the status of my current relationship is. If you’re counting, I’ve been dating my boy toy (BT) for about a month. (Anniversaries less than a year also count as yucky love stuff, but in this case we met the night of a monthly event so it’s easy to keep track. And it’s not like I celebrated it.) I wouldn’t even be wondering what the status is except that I accidentally brought it all up. But being me, rather than taking it as an opportunity to clear things up, I just proceeded to mulishly refuse to commit to anything one way or the other. But let me take you through the sequence of events.

The BT and I spent our first full day together this weekend. We have a lot of scheduling conflicts that typically mean going our separate ways the morning after. That night, over dinner, he was telling me all the things that make him a good roommate. I pointed out that for all the good he does, he also got caught making out with his girlfriend in the living room when his roommate came home. Which, of course, would have been a totally innocent thing to say if it were a story he had told me about some other girl. Being the girl in question, however, I just sat there thinking, oh shit. That's not what I meant. I spent a couple of seconds thinking, should I say that's not what I meant?, then opted not to draw further attention to me unceremoniously dumping girlfriend into a conversation after we'd spent our first whole day together. And the very awkward moment passed.

Then later we were talking about when we first met and he finally admitted he was just trying to get laid that night. Well, duh. But he couldn't (or wouldn't) really explain why he called me later. I got the chance to admit I was seeing someone else. But then that's where I got myself into trouble again. I should have kept my mouth shut because one thing led to another, and I think I agreed to be exclusive. It's all kind of hazy, but he said something about not wanting to see other people and I tried to counter with do whatever you want, just don't have sex. I said I didn't care, but he said he did. So this is where I was supposed to say, women in their 30s dating guys in their 20s cannot in good conscience agree to be exclusive. Except I didn’t. I didn’t say anything at all.

And then, to cap it all off, he did the same thing back to me. I can't remember what he said, but it was the same abstract use of girlfriend that also related to us personally. So, to sum up, I may or may not be dating someone who considers himself my boyfriend and might expect me to be exclusive. If I weren't such a coward, I'd learn to do this right.