Ugly Stepsisters

Far be it from me to let a good clothing analogy die. There’s a name for people who are so desperate to have something, they’ll do anything to make it fit. They’re called ugly stepsisters. They’re going to cut off their toes to get their feet into the shoe and MAKE it fit. My last date was with an ugly stepsister. Ugly stepsisters agree with everything you say. When you say you’re afraid of commitment, they agree and tell you that they’re not even thinking marriage for the next couple of years. They are then confused when you tell them you’re not looking for the same things. Ugly stepsisters hear you tell them you never have a second date with a guy that wasn’t arranged on the first date, and then ask you on a second date the next day. Ugly stepsisters love that you have strong opinions, but ignore what those opinions are.

Ugly stepsisters can be hard to spot. They want the shoe so much, they can seduce you into believing that they should have it. So what makes an ugly stepsister?

1. Too many compliments. An ugly stepsister wants to keep attention focused away from themselves so no one notices the blood dripping out of the shoe.

2. Imperviousness to blisters. You can’t rub an ugly stepsister the wrong way. They’ll turn any negative aspect about you into a positive.

3. Warts. Obvious sign of an ugly stepsister.

4. Fatigue. Trying to shove the shoe on their foot makes for a tiring date.

5. Stubbornness. Ugly stepsisters won’t take no for an answer.

6. Underhandedness. When they’re not locking your true love away from you, they’re tricking you into a date.

7. Inferiority complex. You know it and they know it. They’re no Cinderella.

Given my charming personality, I've been out with quite a few ugly stepsisters in my time. It's hard to explain to other people why I don't like them. "How is a guy who compliments you a bad thing?"  I'm glad I finally have the terminology down.