The newbie

Oh man. Some background on the guy—he went to a notoriously liberal university then joined the Army. Now a military man is not my cup of tea, normally. I’m not into following rules, short hair, or wearing navy blue and black together (I’m talking to you, Marines!). But I thought, great, I’ll get the best of both worlds: a liberal, progressive guy who’s actually manly. As opposed to the limp-wristed type I normally get.

People who are more familiar with the military than I am are likely shaking their heads at my naiveté. He was not manly. He wasn’t even in shape! I was once again a victim of very old pictures. Which he admitted and then asked if having a beard now was false advertising. It might be if it weren’t overwhelmed by the extra 40 pounds and the new hairline.

We had a fun night together, he drank too much, and then tried to walk me home. To be fair, it was my idea for him to walk me home. But then, when I asked him to be more situationally aware, he didn’t know what I was talking about. He was in Iraq! Don’t even analysts have to go to boot camp? Whatever, I was forced to deposit his drunk ass at the nearest bus stop because I was safer on my own.