Check out the blog entry from Jezebel, On the subject of these alleged online relationship rules. We're all finding our feet in the new modern world, but this brings up a few things I'd ban if I could control the world. First and foremost, joint email addresses. I refuse to relate to a couple as a single entity, especially because in 99% of cases I met one of them first. I've outed myself as a commitment-phobe already, but seriously, I can't abide that people give up their individual identity once married.
Second, who the hell thinks it's a good idea to share passwords? Is your relationship so awesome that you never consider bitching about your partner? A little healthy venting is a good thing. Yes, we all have something to hide and it may be our utter disgust at your ear hair. Not something you need to know about. Also, are you going to remember to change all those passwords if the relationship ends? Think about it because I had a friend who was deleting a guy's voicemail messages a year after she walked out on him.
My third issue is the perceived threat of the single woman. A weighty enough topic to be considered on its own.
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4 comments:
The problem with shared passwords comes in when your partner is a computer-person and makes sure your computer works all the time perfectly. I wonder how they'd take it if you gave them administrator access only (can you do that - I mean, does the 'administrator' have access to everything?)? But as computer experts they probably could still figure out how to get to your stuff...
Anyway, this happened to me. My ex deleted personal emails of mine in his anger at me. Boy was I pissed. A piece of my written history, gone, never to return. I learned my lesson.
Yes, administrator access is by definition all-access.
But I take your point. You can make sure your partner never gets you voicemail password, but there's an element of trust involved in every relationship that you don't go through someone else's computer or journal.
If your partner is computer-savvy and has physical access to your computer, they can get (or get around) your password. It isn't actually that hard. I'm not one to advocate handing out passwords willy-nilly, but if someone asks for one with anything approaching a good reason, holding back might get awkward. The only benefit from holding back would be to prevent impulsive revenge and/or snooping and, if you're with someone prone to those sorts of things, that's probably not the most important issue, no?
Sure, you can give them your password, then change it once they've done what they need to do.
But this gets back to what I'll call the prenup issue. No one can promise from the outset that we won't turn into vindictive monsters at the end of a relationship, especially since we don't know how the relationship is going to end. We may not be prone to snooping now, but who's to say we won't be later?
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