Why do I have to say let’s just be friends when we already are?

Before online dating even got going, I had one reoccurring issue from my past to clear up. Someone from my past blindsided me by hitting on me in my new city. No big deal, right? But it is because I have to reject someone I like, not to mention ensuing awkwardness and possible friendship dissolution. So let me try to put an end to this this practice. Here are some guidelines that help you know when to use the strategy “Do me a favor and keep your feelings to yourself.”

- If the person is way hotter than you, look for lots of signs of sexual interest. Hanging out with you is NOT a sign of sexual interest. Ditto smiling, emailing, inviting you to things, and laughing at your jokes. You may not be that hot, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good company.
- If you’ve seen the person flirt with other people but not with you, keep it on the DL. Damn. That’s got to hurt. You’re not even hot enough that it strokes your love interest’s ego to flirt with you. 
- If you two have gotten really drunk and nothing happened. If you can’t pass the bar of drunken hook up, you’ve got no shot. 
- If your feelings have become an unbearable burden to you. Gee, thanks jackass. It’s real nice of you to pass that burden on to someone you profess to like.