To friend or not to friend

Oh my god. I just got a facebook invitation from an old boyfriend's mother! What could that possibly be about? Why would I want to give her access to my personal life?

I don't get it

This is something that’s been bothering me for a while, but it hadn’t all come together in my mind. Last night, a friend brought up that she hadn’t seen Twilight, bringing on a favorite rant of mine. I saw Twilight, and I hated it—I would have left after the first half hour but I was with other people. I was telling her that the story (as far as the movie goes) only works on the “most popular guy in school wants to be with me!” level. I don’t find that romantic.

I realize now this is my problem with Jane Austen. I’ve had a long standing debate over this with my sister who thinks Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice) is the greatest romantic figure of fiction, while I think it’s Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre). The thing about Mr. Darcy is that he’s handsome, rich, and has a really big house. While poor Mr. Rochester is not handsome and some crazy lady burns down his big house leaving him permanently disabled to boot. Elizabeth Bennet wins a total catch and the big fancy house while Jane Eyre ends up with a mostly blind, one handed recluse.

Happier ending notwithstanding, I’m stumped as to what makes Pride and Prejudice so romantic. Mr. Darcy falls in love with a striking, intelligent, sassy woman and puts aside the fact she is lower in status and has an annoying family. Not really much of a triumph of love, but winning Mr. Darcy brings a lot of glory onto Elizabeth Bennet. Not only does she get the big house, she gets the satisfaction of knowing that she is the envy of other women. Ditto Bella. Every teenage girl wants whatever the dude’s name is in Twilight. My suspicion is that it’s our desire to get the one everyone wants and no one can have that is the source of the romance.

My problem is I can’t relate to this storyline at all. I never wanted the most popular guy in my school. This is likely true at least in part out of my perverse need not to be like everyone else. But I tend to go for the arty or alternative guy. I’ve had deep, painful crushes on guys I’m sure would have been shocked to realize that anyone had deep, painful crushes on them. Which is the crux of Mr. Rochester’s appeal. He is the only one who notices that the plain, small, servant in his house is intelligent and sassy, and she is the only one who loves him for anything other than his money. What could be more romantic than loving someone for her true self?

I wonder if I’m also a victim of this romantic ideal. It seems like my appeal often stems from my popularity rather than from any real aspect of my personality. At first Mr. Darcy worries that women only want him for his money. Is it any better that they want him because getting him makes them feel better about themselves? Or am I a) completely missing the appeal of this storyline, and b) too untrusting of men? Maybe I’m the version of Mr. Darcy who dismisses everyone thinking they only care about what he can do for them and is blind to the perfect person.