Foreplay

I know, how much more clichéd can you get than a woman complaining about no foreplay? I’ll chalk it up to being incredibly lucky, but this really hadn’t emerged as a problem in my life before now. Well, that’s not entirely true, the one time it came up before I assumed it meant the guy was gay (there were other indicators). Yes. I’m that egotistical.

I’ve written about the mystery of sexual compatibility before, but I’m starting to wonder if this solves most of it. I have more than the one erogenous zone and it all works so much better when a guy hits at least a few of them. I think attention to detail is a large part of sexual compatibility for me.

I’m glad I figured that out, but it does raise new issues. Even worse, I can’t think of a guy I can ask about this who would give me any kind of honest answer. First, why no foreplay? My first instinct is that he’s not attracted to me. My second is to guess that it’s some kind of problem related to being in very long-term relationships. Maybe guys get out of the habit. Or maybe it’s really that I was mistaken in believing that guys get turned on by anything that isn’t happening to them.

Next I worry that they’re projecting. Does it not do anything when I touch them? Maybe they’re thinking, geez, get to the good stuff so they decide they’ll show me how to not waste time. And then there’s the problem of having to ask for it. There’s something very awkward about having to ask a guy to pay attention to your body. But hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

We’ll see if this problem is solvable. I think not though. I’m trying to keep an open mind, but having to talk a guy into foreplay only makes me long for the guys who know how to touch a woman.

Backtracking

In the immortal words of Britney Spears, oops I did it again. And sadly a lot of the rest of the lyrics that follow. So, I backtracked, by which I mean I slept with a guy that I’m ostensibly not dating anymore. Yeah, the one from the dumping post. The one I said I wouldn’t sleep with. (I’ll explain what’s been going on with dating between then and now in a later post.)

Point of clarification, there’s backtracking (or backsliding) and there’s sleeping with an ex. I’m going to draw a distinction between the two which may be completely false. I’ve never done the sleeping with an ex thing; I have yet to pull off maintaining contact with any guy I’ve had sex with after I’m done having sex with him. My sense of sleeping with an ex is just that you continue to have sex with each other because cold turkey was a bit more than you both could handle. The difference being no need for a redumping when it’s time to stop sleeping together.

Raise your hand if you’ve been redumped. Ok, now those of us who’ve had to do the redumping. The backtrack implies you’re back in the relationship to at least one of the people involved, not just back in each others’ orifices. Redumping is godawful. If I’m bad at dumping, I really suck at redumping. And getting redumped is devastating because you’re usually still processing the original dumping while simultaneously berating yourself for getting your hopes up and dealing with the fact that the person you like kinda likes you back, but not enough.

So how did I end up in this situation? I suspect it’s not a coincidence. The fact is I have backtracked before. A long time ago, and it’s still the worst thing I’ve ever done to a person. Luckily, we’re all adults now. After (during?) the backtrack, I also found out that the guy has been a victim of backtracking before. I can see why because he’s so frickin’ cool to have around. I’m not going to venture into what this says about me.

The end result of this is that because I refuse to talk about relationships, I have no idea where we stand. Somewhere between friends, friends with benefits, and dating. Oh well, I prefer ambiguity to talking about my feelings.