Based on the comments received on the last two blog posts, I’m still not getting my message across. So let me try to be clearer. When I had this conversation with the guy from Why do I have to say let’s just be friends when we already are?, he gave me the perfect analogy. He told me that hitting on me was like being in the desert and seeing an oasis. He was thirsty; he had to drink. You know what the major difference is between me and a body of water? I’m not a fucking inanimate object. But these guys don’t see it that way.
That guy, and the guy leaving all the comments, seems to believe that a) women have no agency in their romantic lives and b) any agency we might have is of no material importance to what they want. That’s all they hear in their minds. ME WANT. ME WANT. And what happens when you tell a guy he’s acting like a narcissistic douchebag? He patiently explains why it’s all your fault.
For all those guys, let me spell it out. You don’t get to tell me I don’t have a right to my feelings. Your inability to predict them does not invalidate my natural anger at you treating me like an inanimate object. And if for one moment you’re mustering your feminist/humanist credentials in your head to argue against what I’ve written here, stop and think about why you’re doing that. Because I told you you didn’t have the right to go after what you wanted. And you’re incapable of recognizing that what I want might have equal importance to what you want. After all, I don’t have the right to want what I want. Not when it conflicts with what you want.
Let me be even clearer. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU. It’s about me. But all you heard was me telling you not do something you wanted to do.
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8 years ago
1 comment:
Firstly, please allow me to take the song parody out of the equation, It was meant as a disposable rejoinder to the first song. Both songs have throwaway lines that I don’t believe should be taken seriously. I apologise if any lines in mine were - they were just a silly response.
The first guy has seen you as an inanimate object. I ask for evidence that I have indicated the same. I don’t believe that I have ever insinuated that women can’t have investment in their romantic lives. I don’t believe that I have ever belittled any agency or investment females have had in their lives. I have never said that you don’t have a right to your feelings, and I have never insinuated that what you want doesn’t have equal importance to what I want.
Having said that, please explain why the following sentence is valid:
“Because I told you you didn’t have the right to go after what you wanted.”
Because, from a personal perspective, this seems to be saying: “You have the right and freedom to give out signals to those you are interested in, but I don’t have the right to act on perceived signals that may indicate to me that I could form a relationship with another human being.”
And yes, it’s your blog, and it’s about you. But when you mention me in it, I believe I have the right to engage in a response. Signed: Laundry List Guy. (Not Narcissistic Douchebag)
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